Friday, February 24, 2012

12 Reasons Not to Date an RPCV (Swaziland Edition)


Mighty Fine Group 9

For Valentine’s Day, Peace Corps Connect posted a list of the 12 Reasons to Date a returned Peace Corps volunteer. It was passed around and we all felt good about ourselves and what great catches we would be. However we found it much easier to come up with reasons NOT to date an RPCV (from Swaziland, though I am sure some of these can be applied on the whole). In the spirit of self-deprecating humor, here goes the list.
12.  You go out on a nice date and they wear plaid, polka dots and flannel at the same time with a pair of Chaco’s. Even if they don’t wear Chaco’s, the tan lines will be there (probably forever).
11. If they offer to cook you dinner, don’t be surprised to find blood and feathers all over their apartment. Killing a chicken for a guest is an honor.
10.  They always want to hang out in KFC watching music videos.
9. If the volunteer sleeps over, they will first have to check every crevice of the room for snakes or scorpions, shake out the sheets for possible spiders and then tuck the mosquito net into the mattress first.
8. They probably have severe hypochondria and spend lots of time Googling their symptoms, sure that they have shistosomiasis, river blindness, malaria or meningitis.
7. Umsheko.
6. They may have a bizarre sense of humor cultivated during countless hours of being alone, and enjoy playing games like “What’s the Dirtiest Gospel Song?”
5. They take photos of small children and/or various plants they see on the street with a DSLR.
4. All they ever want to do is play Hearts.
Survivor Hearts
3.If it gets serious and you propose, a female RPCV may reflexively say “No, I am married” or extol the virtues of circumcision and not having multiple concurrent partners. A man will ask how many cows he has to pay your father.
2. They talk in a very simplified, slow voice overly enunciating every syllable, as if English was not your first language.
1. Every time they encounter another volunteer, the conversation shifts to the good ol’ days of black mambas, Bombaso’s, and bucket-bathing. Yebo!

"It doesn't matter if you are a bad cook"...false. My standards for cooking have gone up thanks to the chefs in our ranks.

Random Swazi Fact: The volunteers are obsessed with Hearts. Hearts can be played with 4 players or more. If you have many, you can make an elimination style game. It gets really intense and is always improved when there is a box of wine on the table and random catch phrases being coined left and right. Shooting the moon is an addiction.

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